Again in trough March 9 2010


Well the job search is going on NOT so good . It seems that everyone is hiring everyone except me. I do not have the relevant experience for anything or rather the skills i have are not in demand any more except the auto industry and we all know that they are not hiring. so i guess i am outdated

What makes it difficult to survive this job is that i have no support , emotional support. My family upsets me. Due to the economy i have lost jobs every alternate year and between my medical bills and job loss how much money could i possibly have saved up . i mentioned to my dad that i was worried that if anything happened to me i was worried about funeral costs and my dad comes up with hey let the government take care of you. I am like , wait over the years when i have a job I have earned so much and you think that i do not deserve a funeral , what type of crazy talk is that . My own father thinks that i am so worthless that when i die i should be disposed off like a degenerate person.

I have a good friend who called me from India but then he is married and what is the point of latching on to a married man, but it sure made my dad mad. He forbade me to talk to this person and I am like why , I am at the worst part of my life and you are worried about me talking to a person i was crazy about and in  love with 21 years ago. So he makes me happy and when he talks to me temporarily i forget that i am unemployed and makes me happy. so i did what any coward like me would do . i stopped calling my dad. I really need emotional support and if someone makes me happy for five minutes in a day filled with rejection all day  what is the harm in that . it is not like there is anything there. for five minutes in a month my mind goes away from my constant job search and there is nothing in that. i do not even have his number so i do not know why my dad is so upset with me  He calls and i talk to him, i become sixteen again, gone are the days of my marital physical abuse and  i go back to my high school days when i was a girl who had all the dreams and hopes. All i wanted in my life was to have a good husband , a good job and a family with children. I ended up with an abusive husband , a student loan for my engineering degree that i can never pay off as i keep on losing my job

Then for an unemployed person  there are interesting things people say. For example my sister says to me the other day that she is unemployed too. I am like ok, i have  with no money ,For me employment is not a choice but a necessity. She has a husband so she can afford to stay unemployed like she has for two years, she has no worries about rent etc
i still have not received my unemployment as it will take time

back to my married friend, he lives in India so i have thousands of miles between me and him. He has a wife and kids and i have no delusions where he is concerned. he is a friend like my friend Andy who is  also married

Most will tell you that when you are unemployed you should do your hobbies. really when  i lose my job so much due to the economy that when i have a job i am busy trying to impress my employer and when he is impressed i end up losing

This job loss is hard , no money , no savings no emotional support , no family support unless they are there to tell me dumb things , i am just so tired of searching and always searching., another thing everyone asks me why did i never get married
ok i was engaged to Mr cheater himself who basically cheated on me with any female he could find and so i had to let him go. by the time i got over the hurt i was deep into my job loss phase where once i lose my job i have every waking day to go find one. I have been rejected so many times that being rejected my men does not concern me any more. I have to worry about my shelter and food. for once in my life i wish i could spend a day without worrying about losing a job
well I am back in a trough again ,

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1 Response to Again in trough March 9 2010

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