Of course now that I officially declared on my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn that I am not well I will get all calls not relating to how I feel but just stuff I could have dealt with on another day.
So yesterday I heard from the long time resident of Planet Selfish.
So yesterday I left work on time to go home and lie down as I was sick and I get a phone call around 10 pm from Brian, Paula’s boyfriend who wanted to know why I told Paula to not to talk to him . Let us look at the engineering problem at hand
So in an engineering world when the project is running at a loss do we pursue the same course of action or do we do what we always been doing , I told Paula that you were a renegade supplier ( yourself) who had the project ( relationship) and she is the stakeholder, so she looked at the timeline and decided it was time to find another supplier so if that translates to not talking to you deal with it, there must be a place on Planet Selfish that deals with such a behavior.
Look unlike most people I will give my advice when it is needed, now what you want to hear but want I feel is what you need to hear.
So when Paula asked me what she should do I told her to be an engineer, be emotionally detached and make the rational decision.
He says she will never find anyone like him, I am like ok why should she, you are selfish, you can never make any nice woman happy because it is not part of your DNA why would she or any sane woman want someone who when she is having gall bladder surgery decides that it is better to just email her than pick up the phone, can you not call, anyway more on that later.
Of course she will always love him, when you love someone you always do, however bad they treat you .Love feels like your flying and every time you think about them you just can’t help but smile no matter how bitter you are you notice you smile everyday and the sun seems brighter and the world seems like a nicer place. I know that sounds really corny but it’s true. I always said I would never love anyone but when I did I noticed I became a nicer person and the world seemed so much prettier and songs that I didn’t like sounded different in a good way. My thoughts of love are when u can’t stand to be away from them, miss them all the time, see them in a crowded place when they aren’t even there, think of them when you hear certain songs, can see a future with them. Love hits like a ton of bricks… knocks you off your feet. You can’t get that person out of your head… everything you do you wish they were there to share it with you. You yearn for them always. Your heart flutters when they speak or look at you. Your stomach does flips with the thought of them. Your face glows with happiness. It’s a beautiful feeling… being in love, something you’ll never want to lose once you find it.
Debbie Downer told me the other day that saying I love you is just a statement and one can say that to a dog, true but it is the emotion that comes with telling someone that you love them, the fact is that once you tell someone you love them the chances are that they may not say it back.
It is the emotion that you feel when you say it. But if someone says it back to you then it is the most wonderful feeling but what use is saying it back if you do nothing to show that you care, so back to the Paula gate. I am sure Brian tells her that he cares but yet when she is having gall ball surgery, not once did he call but yet just decided that he was going to email her to wish her well, what a tool.
Not once did he visit her but decided that she should visit him when she is better and bring him dinner.
That was when we in Indiana started telling to reconsider her options so I am glad that a year later it took something small as not calling her on birthday for her to see the light of the day. She will always love him and her heart will break but she will survive this as always I know she waited for him to call her and he never did , too busy I guess , after all living on planet selfish one needs to have time to learn the tricks.
So finally I asked him why did you not ask her to marry you , and he is like we are taking baby steps, and I am like ok after 4 years if you are still taking baby steps you are a dope. So now after while you are taking baby steps, you are 45 she is 42 and both of you have been married and have kids. You are a moron.
What baby steps, you may not realize it today as she walks today but three months or even a week later you are going to miss what she did for you, the calls after work, the silly presents but I am sure others can do that for you too, try it, I have a lot of friends with happy relationships or good relationships and it all depends on the person.
Losing someone you love leaves you with a dull, heavy weight in your chest that often, without warning, explodes into lacerating pain. Indeed it’s so painful that many people feel they cannot tolerate the agony – and that is one reason why so many rejected keep hoping against hope that their partner will return and all will be well. So she will lean on her friends and talk about Brain until she has no words left to say. We all will make lists of how he treated her and it was bad, let us see, never call her when she is sick or in the hospital. I asked Brian for every 10 nice things she did name one thing in four years one nice kind gesture u ever did, one present you ever bought for her, you did not cherish your anniversary or her birthday or anything so back to your dumb mail order bride and live happily ever water. There are lot of jerks in the world His defense is well she wanted nothing to and she knew, no she did not you moron. You only missed her because she did not call you for a week and you missed your booty call, you did not miss her, you missed your booty call, how much time would it have taken for him to say, hey I miss you, I love you but not part of the Planet Selfish DNA. Missing someone is not a sign of weakness, a person likes to hear that they are missed and appreciated, even if they know it. And if he holds me responsible for his lack of booty call he should have treated her better, if the relationship was strong it should not have faltered. He was mad at me because I called him out on his residence on Planet Selfish.
Some do and some do not and once you have been treated and put on a pedestal , what chances are there you will someone else to do the same for you and if they do great. I am happy for you. But then the downsize is that if someone treats you as a pedestal and if you do not care for them just tell them and move on and if they do still treat you like fabulous then it is their decision. It takes a lot of love and caring to go all the way and do nice things for the object of your affection but if you find another we all are happy for you , you moron. He and Paula could have had it all but like Adele sang in “Rolling in the Deep” You reap what you sow, if you sow hurt and uncaring that is what you will reap
Getting back to Debbie downer philosophy well a wife is treated better, not true, a man who is a jerk will be a jerk to his wife too. A leopard does not change his spots overnight; it takes an act of God. So a man always treats his girlfriend better because he has to win her love but a wife’s love and caring is more guaranteed. that is why I am not in favor of arranged marriages or arranged come love whatever that is. If you meet someone you need to date them first and then go from there with no commitment of marriage, but then the question arises if dating is so much fun why then does the west have so many divorces., well here is the response to that reason is because here in the west divorce is not that bad . no one cares while in Indians in the west do I do not know about India but my philosophy lately is do what makes you happy, if you are unhappy in Ohio leave , you only live once so live your life happy with one who makes you happy. No one cares about your misery when you are dead but you care about your happiness whether you are dead or alive. Only you can decide about your happiness and your misery.
So as DD would say a wife has status well, yes true but what would you rather have the legal name or the love, I think I would go with love for I myself have my own status
So Paula will go back and find someone else and even though it may be hard it is not impossible. And Brian will go look at the mail order bride catalogue as he did in last marriage.