I was and am very sick the other day and received a call, not to ask, hey how you are feeling but rather I have an interview can you help me. I am like , are you nuts did you read my face book where I said that I was very sick, yes, and then out of the blue you figured that when I am extremely sick to my stomach this is a good time to ask me about helping you with the interview. This person comes back to me that long distance is expensive, Ok you realized that it was expensive to call me to ask me how I was but not too expensive to ask me for help in preparing for an interview,
WELCOME TO PLANET SELFISH and here is your gift bag
So what is being selfish: The dictionary defines it as devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. The worse part of being selfish is when those who claim that they are for you do not care.
Being selfish is an art personified by all in some shape and form but perfected by some . Selfishness is that detestable vice which no one will forgive in others, and no one is without in himself”
My son is a very strong loyal tax paying membership of Planet Selfish. I left him a message yesterday that I was sick, did he call NO, did he bother sending me an email No , did he bother sending me a message on facebook NO beause even though I gave him a calling card that covers his long distance from canada he never calls for it would cost him time and I am simply not worth it Now will he treat his wife like that sure ,he is loyal resident on Planet Selfish and that is why , That is why I am no longer sending him presents or wasting my time in calling him every day or telling me where I am Here is something interesting about Planet Selfish, if my son wants to go camping he can get time off from work but if it is Mothers Day he cannot get time off, Sure I am wise to him, like I said Planet Selfish
I often joke that all I represent to my son is a paycheque as I pay all his bills and once I can no longer pay he will stop talking to me and move on. He is selfish like I say no one can hurt you till you give them permission and my son had full permission till this time and never again. There is only so many times a resident of Planet Selfish can hurt you . Once hurt shame on you , twice hurt shame on me ,
Today while using my Vonage on my cell phone to call my dad in India he asked me if I had time, I said sure, he was like I want to talk to you,
Anyway my dad wanted to say thank you , a little background I send him gifts all the time , sometimes for no reason , sometimes for a reason, so if my dad tells me , well he never tells ,he tells it to my sister , I am just the person who spends money, I go on the internet and send him what he needs, because at his age of 75 I do not expect him to go and live a hard life, that is my job, looking at the way I live in Ohio. At age 75 or at any age I do not expect my father to live a hard life when I am earning and can support him or so for the matter my sister and my brother but that is their choice, we all do what we can, so I in other honesty cannot live in Ohio with air conditioning while my father tells my dad tells my sister that he could not run the air conditioner as he did not have the money to pay the bill. When I heard that a month later just as a by the way thing, I was livid and sad,
Anyway getting back to my story my dad told me that I had sent lot of money while my mother was sick , sent him lots of stuff when she was sick and in a coma and now I call him two or three times a day and send him something each month and he was worried that being alone with no support , my son is often a jerk and I do not consider him to be a support, that I should concentrate on paying off my loans and save money , I told my dad that well ok , but sending him 20 dollars worth of gifts is not going to bankrupt me and my mortgage is going to go on forever with my job loss history so I am not worried.
The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. If you give what can be taken, you are not really giving. Take what you are given, not what you want to be given. Give what cannot be taken to give and then not feel that one has given is the very best of all ways of giving God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?”
Giving a gift is not asking someone to love you for that are what people think. I spent a lot of my life giving three people gifts because you can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. When you feel love for someone you give, that is natural.
For example my friend Paula is the director of engineering and even though she is professionally very astute she takes the dumb award in her personal life.
She has been dating her boyfriend for the last four years and is so totally in love in him but her boyfriend is the king at Planet Selfish. He never calls her because his minutes are limited before 9pm and after that he is asleep. He probably clears over 100, 000 a year so he is not poor but just a long time resident of Planet Selfish and as long as there are women like Paula there will always be Planet Selfish.
She sends him presents and silly notes and what does he respond with nothing ,in all the four years he has only told her that he loved her twice because as per him she should know that , no she does not , who does , that is why it needs to be said over and over again. , that is why there are Hallmark cards with the same information.
So let us get to her birthday, her birthday was last week and did he send her flowers , NO , called her NO , I asked Paula how is this any relationship if he does not even call you or send you flowers on your birthday and yet on his birthday you threw a surprise party , I know I attended it last year let us not even get into Valentine Day. He did Nothing while she went around making all the arrangements, so finally this year when he did not bother calling her or sending her any flowers she finally just stopped, I guess it dawned on her that the one, who loves the least, controls the relationship. He claimed , oh I forgot, no you did not forgot you just did not want to make the call or even venture out of the suburb to wish her happy birthday , He does nothing and last week after the stunt he pulled she stopped. One does not say Love to everyone but to a chosen few and if you throw it around like a pile of pebbles it loses all appeal to the person you say to at regular intervals.
I fully expect her boyfriend to make the call to me as he is going to feel that it is my fault but someone has to talk sense to her. I told her listen all you too him are a good time gal , used for physical intimacy all this crap about love and all that does not exist for him , for he never shows he cares for you at any level. I should follow the advice I told her
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’”
But she says, he loves me , yes in his own selfish way, if you do all the things for him and he does nothing what does tell you about him He has decided that you are not even worth sendng an e card or a telphone call but even though it costs nothing except his time and he is not even going to invest that , so in other words you are nothing but a booty call and that is it. He has no intention of any emotional commitment towards you , you are a booty call for when he wants, You have to show and tell the person you care .
I suppose Debbie Downer will say that well she is his girlfriend and he will be different with his wife. I do not think so , for a person livng on Planet Selfish treats everyone the same, the difference is that the girlfriend can walk away with no legality except hurt but the wife has to file a lot of paperwork but debbie downer comes from an innocent world of duty and obligation so she can be forgiven for that.
I am not advocating that all should break up if they did not get a present but once in a while it is nice to receive a present from someone who is more than a friend but then I have an idealistic view of marriage and relationships. I am sure her boyfriend will apologize but then the apology is a second insult… The injured party does not want to be compensated because she has been wronged; she wants to be healed because she has been hurt and remember none can hurt you without your permission
Once getting back to Debbie Downer, the bachelorette Ashley is a good example. She was the girlfriend and she was warned about Bentley who was Planet Selfish to his wife but did she listen NO and he treated her exactly the same. Men or women do not change their behavior because you are married to him, they stay the same only the relationship person can wake away but the legal person has to stay
More later or as Bentley would say dot dot dot…..