Last evening my friend A called me very upset, she had a run in with her sister, a little background, her sister B just got married and this is her second marriage and being in her forties she was really keen to get married and when this man, said that he liked her she married him within three days, Here is the timeline
May 22nd : Marriage
June 2nd : Her husband books his ticket to come to US without her
July 20th she comes to the US
July 25th: He leaves her alone in the US in a hotel to go to New Jersey
July 31st: She goes back to India while he will follow her in August 20th . His reason is that he can pay for his son to go to New Jersey but not for his wife
So now she fights with her sister and leaves her house for a silly frivolous reason that her sister did not make her new husband’s favorite desert. OK you fool you know nothing of the US and you are off living in a hotel So at what point do you relinquish all your ties with your family and give your trust to a man who leaves you alone in a country you know nothing about.
I agree marriage is awesome but this is plain stupidity. Leaving a woman alone in a country with no money in a skanky hotel is not the sign of a good husband, This is something that my ex husband would have done , like he dropped me off at 401 while I was nine months pregnant and told me to find my way back to Windsor I had to flag the OPP ( provincial police ) to take me home , for those who know Ontario, he dropped me off at Chatham and it is good 45 minutes away to Windsor, Trying walking at 11 o’clock at night nine months pregnant in winter and then explaining to the police what were you doing in the middle of a busy highway. Just to conclude my ex husband then told the police that I walked off, sure I did, but I forgave him as I always do. I do not say that I have suffered a lot; I say I have forgiven a lot because my religion does not allow me to hate anyone or hurt anyone and if I get hurt then there is always room for forgiveness
So the question is at what point you break off all ties with your family for the sake of a spouse. The sign of a good spouse is not a spouse who makes you choose between them and your family but one who becomes part of your family.
All of us grow up in particular realities – a home, family, a clan, a small town, a neighborhood. Depending upon how we’re brought up, we are either deeply aware of the particular reading of reality into which we are born, or we are peripherally aware of it. Other things may change us, but we start and end with family” Dignity is not negotiable. Dignity is the honor of the family. At a young age we are dependent on our parents and our family and as we grow older we say we are grown up and now it is our spouses and our kids, well easy for me to say that I am by myself with a goosey son in Canada but if I look deeply into the palm of my hand, I see generations of my ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment through me and my goosey son. We are the continuation of each of these people. Respect your family for it is respect and by family I mean pay more attention to your elders. Elders can only give good advice or put you on the right paths, but the final forming of my character lies in my own hands.
So at the end of the day it does not matter who I am or what I am, that I completed engineering as a single parent fighting a divorce and children aid all the times and for some it may seem that I am very accomplished but for no matter what I have done for myself and humanity if I cannot look back on having given love and attention to my parents and my family then really what I have really accomplished. NOTHING ,
My son does not need another video game but even though he says: Mom why do you call me all the time, if I do not he starts wondering why I did, of course he will never admit it, I realized this in my third year of engineering, I was so busy fighting a divorce and custody and engineering that I remember the little tyke asking me all the time Mummy do you love me, he was so neglected for I forgot to pay him attention. I remember I was at the library researching a paper on control theory and he was playing and in between the books he would dart out and say hey mom do you love me .That was the day I realized how neglected my son was feeling . so I stopped the research picked him up and said little one do you want to go for ice cream , believe a 99 cent ice cream was a big deal those days so I got an Aminus instead of A plus but I gave my son a mother that he needed and not the engineer. Each day a child even a 22 year old needs a mother and a father and not more toys, I am often at odds with my son for he is at that point in his life where his decisions are all right and if they go wrong it is MOM time but that is what parents do, be there for your kids when they need you. My son is not materialistic, people always ask me what your son wants for Christmas, he is happy with a 99 cent slinky but it is I who go overboard because I love shopping and surprising people I love. My son will never pay attention to my advice but he will always learn by example. But of course he will never admit it; you know being 22 and all that.
When I was 22 I thought I knew everything and as you get older you think hey maybe my parents know something after all. I rather have my father’s respect than have a stable job and money for at the end of the day if I have not been a good daughter to my parents what good is being an engineer
I may not get married and die alone but how far I go in my life depends on my being kind and compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in my life I will have been all of these
One can pay back the loan of money, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind
The other day someone said to me tell how to make your life your life easier, that is kindness personified if you haven’t any charity and kindness in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble that no medication can cure. Those few words “tell me how to make your life your life easier” says so much about the person and the kindness in the heart.
So at the end of the day we have to cherish our human connections and it is the relationships that sustain us in times of need. I remember last year when I was unemployed I remember one of my friends asking me not what help do you need but what can I do to help ., that is the motto I live by, what I can do to make your life easier and what can I do to help
Ending on a story
During my second year of engineering our Chemistry professor gave a quiz. I was confident of all the questionsthrough the questions until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the lab assistant in the Chemistry lab and how many times have any of you ever helped him carry equipment?” I had seen the 65 year old lab assistant several times but never asked the name or ever helped him I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank and asked the professor if the last question was really worth 15 marks, Absolutely,” the professor said. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned his name was James So remember
You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you